| | Current Music: | "oldest established" from 'guys and dolls' | | Subject: | Fucking Corporate Monkeys | | Time: | 10:55 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/determined.gif) pissed off |
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| So this summer, my experience in the corporate setting as an R&D intern has taught me a lot. Among all of the skills and experience i have gotten along the way, i have also gained the very important knowledge of the corporate language, particularly as of late. Here is what i have learned to translate so far between English and Corporate:
Transportation Specialist = Retarded Monkey
Logistics Department = Room full of retarded monkies
"have my packages been shipped yet?" = "please don't tell me anything about my packages"
"Can you please provide me with a tracking number for the packages containing my very valuable prototypes?" = "Please give me half-assed responses and only partially useful information without actually answering my question"
I hope that this brief translation has been helpful for anyone who is now, or will be, part of the corporate world. It may seem a little tricky at first, but with enough practice, you'll soon get the hang of it.
as for me, i am considering just saying "fuck this", moving to new york and starting an undergound floating crap game. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| so i decided to start writing this story. No i don't care if you like it or if you even read it, but it's my journal dammit and i'll post whatever i want. and don't give me crap about the title, it's my story.
Part I: Johnny and Francine
There was a Wizard.
And not some guy in a suit behind a curtain pretending to be a wizard. A real wizard.
He had incredible power, such that you could not imagine, coupled with great skill, high intelligence and keen senses. He practiced his wizardry with perfection and vigor, and when challenged, he was ruthless and fierce and put his opposition to such shame that, had there been a physical possibility for them to do so afterwards, they would never again attempt to stand up against the Great Wizard.
For his skill and mastery, he was widely liked, even loved, and highly respected by many people in the land. They didn’t know that he was actually kind of a bastard.
But this story isn’t really about the Wizard. It’s mostly about Johnny.
Johnny, for the most part, was a regular guy… at least as far as most people could tell. He wasn’t a particularly large man, nor was he small. He wasn’t the strongest of men, but he certainly wasn’t weak. He seemed to be the type that took part in most normal activities that most normal young men took part in, and shared most interests that most people shared interest in, and never gave anyone any trouble or cause for concern. So for the most part, a regular guy.
Anyone that knew him better could tell you that he was a very confident, sociable person, a good talker, and a very free-spirited type. He was adventurous and loved excitement and new experiences and whenever an opportunity arose for a new endeavor, he was always ready to seize it. He was mostly carefree and not afraid to live his life as he pleased.
And this was why he was in love with the Princess.
Princess Francine, for the most part, was a regular girl… except that she was a Princess.
She wasn’t a particularly large woman, nor was she very small. She wasn’t the most beautiful of women, but she certainly wasn’t unpleasant to look at. She seemed to be the type that took part in most normal activities that most normal young women took part in, and shared most interests that most people shared interest in… and well, ok, maybe she really didn’t actually take part in the activities or interests that most young women took part in at all. As a matter of fact, she found most other young women to be quite boring and difficult to get along with and much preferred the company of young men.
She wished that she could be a very confident, sociable person, a good talker, etc. and felt deep down, she was also a very free-spirited type. She longed to be adventurous and loved the idea of excitement and new experiences and seizing new opportunities and being carefree and living her life as she pleased.
And this was why she was in love with a so-called regular guy like Johnny.
This story is not about how Johnny and the Princess, two star-crossed lovers in an impossible situation, separated by the ranks of nobility, against all odds manage to fall in love and either A) overcome all obstacles to be together in the end, or B) end up ironically committing suicide because they can’t be together even though they’ve only known each other for like, two days.
I know as well as you that that’s all been done before way too many times over and who really wants to read another story like that.
I’m also not about to launch into any kind of elaborate explanation of how the social and political hierarchy of this particular fantasy land is pieced together, because it’s really not that important. All that is important is that being a Princess means that she’s a relatively important person in the eyes of a lot of people, but not so important that she can’t date whoever the hell she wants.
Anyway, Johnny and Princess Francine were, in fact, very happy together, and they were together for quite some time, having many new experiences and adventures together. And all the while things seemed to be going pretty well for both of them. Oh sure, they would run into few rough spots here and there, but who doesn’t? The important thing is that together, they could overcome almost anything and it was in each other’s company that they were truly happy and content.
Unfortunately, like all great things seem to do, this was to come to a sudden and unpleasant end.
(thus ends part I of the story. stay tuned...) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| so i forgot to tell everyone about this weird dream i had the other day. it was so strange:
i was dispatching at work, and first of all the set-up was all wrong. it wasn't how it is in real life, but since it was a dream, nobody noticed. and i'm sure the fact that i'm dreaming that i'm at work has to do with me working there too much.
anyway, i left my desk for a minute to go hang out with everyone in the break room, then i go back to the desk. so then annabelle comes over to the window (sweet girl, really) and we're just talking and stuff, it's dark outside all of a sudden but again, it's a dream so nobody notices.
then all of a sudden there's this giant fizzy sounding thunder crackle outside that shakes the whole building! and all the lights go out... but for some reason it's still light inside the building and we can see perfectly. so i go back to the breakroom and everyone is gone... and so is everyone else in the entire building except for me and annabelle. then one of the van drivers calls and says that he's not coming to work because he heard transportation was cancelled for the rest of the day because of the power outage. so now we're the only ones in the whole building so we decide to just close up and go home.
but as soon as we get in the car and pull out of the parking lot (we were in one car and I was driving) we realized we were stuck because there was MASSIVE road/building construction work on the road on both sides of the parking lot entrance. and the construction workers were yelling at us because we didn't have hard hats and said that we couldn't go through because it was a construction area. (this part i probably dreamed up because of all the road work they've been doing both up and down the road from my apartment.)
anyway, we couldn't go right, we couldn't go left so we couldn't get out of the parking lot. finally, the construction workers to our left stopped a couple of their trucks so we could snake our way through. now suddenly annabelle was driving, even though we never actually switched places, but dreams are wierd like that. so the construction actually led us through a giant factory/warehouse...which we were driving through...which doesn't make any sense, but it was how the dream went.
at some point, my family (minus christina) was in the car with us... so it was me, annabelle, my parents and my brother in the car with annabelle driving and me in the passenger seat. and we were going very very slowly through this old abondoned factory that was having construction done on it.
then out of nowhere there were these barrels of some kind of crazy-ass toxic chemical waste in our way and we crashed right into them! and we all got soaked with the chemical waste (which, for some reason, was purple colored. i always thought it was supposed to be green.) i don't know which of us was actually driving at that point because i saw it happen from both perspectives (you know how in dreams you do that sometimes).
everything in this part of the warehouse looked like some weird science laboratory.
i think this part may have had something to do with watching back to the future that night (you know the part where their wearing radiation suits and doc gets shot by the random terrorists? i know, it doesn't really make sense)
i don't remember all too clearly what happened after that, i think the remainder of the dream we were wandering around, contaiminated by this toxic stuff trying to find someone who could help us so we didn't die, and all we got was people screaming, and running away or throwing us out of places, or throuwing things at us. and i'm still not sure whatever happened to my sister and why she wasn't there.
anyway, it was real wierd and i thought you all should know about it. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| LOST: 1 boyfriend, approximately 5'8'' tall, medium-length brown hair, green eyes, of greek descent.
Answers to the name "Constantine", "Kosta", "what was your name again?" and sometimes "you, with the ponytail"
Typically exhibits lively and energetic behavior, and is often in good humor, with traces of sarcasm and a general hint of excitement to just do stuff. Can sometimes be a tad overbearing in conversation, interrupts frequently, but is generally fun to hang out with. State of happiness and enjoyment my be infectious to others in his presence. Enjoys fun, silliness, goofing around, acting dorky, being random, and humorous in both the private and social setting.
if found, please notify steph immediately.
i miss him and would very much like to have him back. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| i must now post this, for your amusement (and mine)
first: Comment if you want me to answer these questions regarding you. However, if I do this for you, you mustpost the questions in your LiveJournal so that you can return the favor to me (and spread the love to everyone else).
The Questions:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
do it now. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| Today, i saw a car with a license plate:
995-POO
hahahaha
their car says "poo" on it | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Story | | Time: | 05:54 pm |
|
| so i've been meaning to do this for some time.
i miss the old tandem stories, but since my story partner is 3 hours away, it's a tad difficult to use the old method of passing the paper back and forth. so let's try this: i'll start it off in this post and we can go back and forth through comments. just like we used to. and everyone who wants to can add to it. hopefully at least one person will actually take interest.
and now to begin the story:
One morning, ken woke up with a pounding headache. actually, it wasn't really morning yet because it was still pitch black outside. as he reached toward the bedside table for advil, he suddenly realized that he was not in his own bed. in fact, he wasn't in a bed at all. it was a giant slab of concrete. further observation led Ken to believe that this was the concrete floor of the old abandoned warehouse downtown. he also came to realize that his arm felt bruised, his jaw was sore, and his lips were chapped. and his clothes were slightly damp and sticky... | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| today, on rt. 195/ storrs rd. in front of E.O.Smith School, in a high-school aged group protesting war, a sign reads:
WHO WOULD JESUS BOMB?
yes, i know. it's wonderfully awful. i thought i'd share. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| as i have been incredibly busy, there are many points which i have wished to adress to the public, yet i have not, due to the fact that, as i already said, i have been very busy.
1. i have recently observed several different girls around campus wearing large boots, thick solid colored stockings ("tights" if you will), and denim cut-off skirts with some kind of shirt&jacket combination. a slightly altered 80's type style.
i fear this may be the new hideous fashion trend.
2. it has become clear to me why many pussycats get destroyed from climbing into car engines in the winter time. engine compartments are very warm. full of scary moving parts, but warm.
3. my senior design project is horrible. it is inevitable that at some point in the next year, perhaps several points, i will curse the world and everyone in it, hate everyone i know, hate everyone i don't know, and lose my temper with all those brave enough to come within a 12 ft. radius because it is all your fault that my project is impossible.
4. the 80's was a dark period for clothing fashion. that fashion should have stayed in the 80's.
5. there is no fifth point. this is only here to make this journal entry look more full. i really have nothing more to say.
this may be the last time i post anything for a while.
because i do it so often anyway. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i am jill's uterus.
i cause jill pain every month when i shed my blood-rich innards.
this month, i am causing jill unspeakable amounts of pain.
i almost make jill sick.
i am jill's stomache.
i am reacting to jill's pain.
i churn and threaten to eject my contents back through which they came.
i make jill very, very uncomfortable.
i am jill's dosage of midol.
i attempt to fight off the pain caused by jill's uterus.
i am losing.
i am jill's exploding and disabling pain.
i make jill cry.
i have tormented jill for the last 3 hours.
jill does not ever want to bear children once i'm finished with her.
i am jill's physical strength.
i ran away.
i am jill's misery.
i do not last for long.
but for now, i delight in ruining jill's otherwise good day.
i continue until her uterus has finished tormenting her.
or until her midol wins its fight.
whichever comes first. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| it's exam time, and those of us still in school are frantically cramming our brains with knowledge in an effort to prove that we actually learned something during the last four months. however, we must remember not to neglect the opportunities we have to still learn new and important lessons during this time. for instance, much was learned this past weekend, during our exam reading days, which is, without a doubt, both important and valuable knowledge which could otherwise have easily been missed out upon.
Things we learned this saturday evening:
1) hannah's skills at undressing someone are far superior to yours.
2) showering in rum is fun, but somewhat impractical.
3) if you shower in rum, remember to remove your panties first
4) a hot tub in winter is fun. the trip back to the house is not.
5) clothespin+nipple=ouch!
6) never fall asleep first.
Things we learned sunday morning:
1) always keep track of your sword.
2) pirate flags are less appealing in the morning.
3) sometimes the imagination can create wonderful things. sometimes it does not.
4) the amount of people in the milford area who like pancakes is astronomical. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| it has come to my attention that some find my old picture to be creepy looking. unfortunately, the only other picture i currently have to represent myself is a small and squished image of myself on the lake compunce trolley in my oh-so-sexy green work shirt. and so, to appeal to the audience, i have now replaced myself with catherine zeta-jones.
so there.
i changed it.
are you happy now?! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| az721 (5:39:57 AM): big words = hohoho
sure it makes sense
shut up, i'm tired so it's funny | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| and so, the weekend began, later than expected by a half hour, as a long steady (and mostly uninterrupted) drive, which ended by getting lost in the middle of a small yet strangely unfamiliar town. much walking was done out in the frigid weather, yet there was some comfort offered by familiar greasy pizza and hot mulled cider. the night was strange, somewhat awkward at times, and sleep was slightly troubled by the discomfort of a strange setting in conjunction with bodily cramping and stiffness.
the next day began a lazy one, and gradually picked up as the cold was once again endured, in higher spirits, as this new little town was explored, an endeavor wich led to the discovery of a secret hideout that offered a more comfortable and familiar tone and the aquiring of a pair of hiking boots and one little red dress. later that same day, as a break from the cold was had, the gourds were carved and gutted, attire was changed for seasonal celebration, and the road was set foot upon toward festivities and merriment. Food was sampled and tents of goods were explored, though the usually festive and exciting mood seemed somewhat dulled among the crowd. As the night wore on, a dampness crept into the air, adding an even colder chill to the already chilled night air. The dampness became a steady rain soon enough, and so shelter and warmth were sought from warm, sweet apple cider and an overhanging roof of a nearby street-side shop. it was decided that a fill of the night's outdoor offering was had, and so began the wet journey back through the rain. a short period of what seemed like driving in circles was experienced, as an attempt to insure the safety of the automobile, as there turned out to be very little areas in which to park a car without fear of towing.
in an effort to simply relax and have a good time for the remainder of the evening, a plan was devised to enjoy a few drinks and a movie. the plan was suddenly altered, however, as the movie selection was imposed by in an irritating fashion by several irksome forces, resulting in the undesired, yet inevitable, quite ending to the evening.
the next morning began slowly again, yet redeemable due to the wily antics of tickling attacks and pillow fights. clothes wer changed and bags were packed, and after a rather frustrating, lagging start, the journey was finally made to retrieve the day's first meal. with filled stomachs and unfortunately dulled spirits, goodbyes were said, and so began the long journey home, which consisted silence, a stupid argument, a rest stop, and the need for a change in musical selection. the weekend ended with the red dress, a pint, a fun-filled evening of games and dorks, and the long awaited comfort of a warm, soft bed | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | the cranberries, "zombie" (been stuck in my head for weeks) | | Subject: | HOORAY FOR BOOBIES!!!! | | Time: | 02:25 pm |
|
| i saw a message in sidewalk chalk on my way to class yesterday, reading "SUPPORT BREAST CANCER"
support breast cancer... what a great idea!
BREAST CANCER IS GREAT!!!! GO BREAST CANCER!!!!! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| ladies and gentlemen, we now interrupt this long period of silence to express our appriciation for a good sense of humor with a side of politics and morality by posting an entry that somebody else wrote:
10 reasons
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning. Not to mention breast and penile implants!
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.Or sheep
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were
allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children. Oh but then where does the gay come from? dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children. Yeah cause watching daddy slap mommy around is soooooo healthy.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| people are always saying how a rolling stone gathers no moss. but what happens if it rolls through a big wad of gum?
my theory is that as the stone rolls over a big wad of gum, the gum sticks to the surface of the stone, suddenly finding itself pulled and stretched and eventually yanked away from its stationary position on the ground, thus becoming wrapped and twisted and molded to the surface of the stone. eventually, because of the nice stretched, flattened shape along with the increased air exposure due to rolling along at high speeds, the gum quickly dries to the stone's surface, almost becoming a part of this crazy rolling stone. now, while gum is soft and chewy, it's also tough and extremely durable under all kinds of harsh conditions. and all the while the stone is rolling down hill and into dusty, rocky roads and muddy puddles and all other sorts of trecherous terrain, the gum always sticks with the stone no matter what. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
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